How to Deal With Freenemies

Would you even know if you had frenemies? They're the people in your life who purport to be a friend but do some oddly enemy-like things to you on more than an occasional basis, and in a way that seems pretty predetermined to unsettle you. Spotting them and dealing with them is vital to preserve your own sanity and to know when to ditch the friend who pushes things just a bit too far.


1. Spot the frenemy in your life. Before you can deal with a frenemy, you need to know you're friends with one. Some indicators might include:

*They are never able to enjoy your good fortune. If something good happens to you, their bottom lip curls into a sneer and they just have to say something derogatory, undermining and barbed.

*They're a master at the art of backhanded compliments, those compliments which sound okay on the surface but actually can be taken another way to mean something less than flattering (for example, they may say something like, "I like it when you wash your hair, that's when it's pretty," because this is suggesting that you are ugly without your hair washed.) And they seem to use this "art" on you a lot.

*They gossip about you. When it gets back to you and you raise it with them, they deny knowing anything about it or lie through their teeth and say that someone misinterpreted what they meant.


2. Listen to your own instincts. How does being with this person leave you feeling? Are you uplifted in their presence or do they always manage to take the wind out of your sails and leave you feeling down and unsupported? If you find that whenever you're down and miserable, they're around a lot more than when you're upbeat and in control, this is an indicator that you're with a person who soaks up misery and sees someone down on their luck as a target for control and manipulation. Moreover, if after spending time with them, you're left feeling sapped and bad about yourself, then you're not with a good friend – good friends make you feel good about yourself. Take note of anything like the following and be wary:

*Whenever you try to improve yourself, such as by losing weight, studying harder, going for a promotion, etc., they do their best to sabotage the efforts. Indeed, they may even encourage you to do things that will harm your progress, such as badmouth the boss or eat sweets on the weekend. Frenemies tend to bring out the worst in a person because the relationship is a bad fit.

*They never have your best interests at heart and you know it. In fact, you feel that every time you want to talk about something with them that they're likely to get really argumentative, roll their eyes, make unkind remarks or simply be negative about everything you're trying to do.

*You asked this person to support you on something weeks ago but when the time comes, they have a truly lame excuse for wriggling out of the promise. And they do it time and again to you.


3. Make changes. If you're not sure whether or not this person is a frenemy, talk over your concerns with a friend you're absolutely sure about and don't feel unhappy around. This person may throw new perspective onto the situation, perspective that helps you to realize the value of your relationship with the frenemy. Obviously, be certain you're talking to someone whom you can trust and isn't likely to pass this back to the frenemy. A frenemy who suspects you're onto them through talking to other people (and thereby warning others) can be a very unpleasant person to be around.



4. Talk to the frenemy outright. Instead of skulking around and carrying this burden on your shoulders, come out and express your concerns to this person. Avoid acting vulnerable or distressed; simply stick to the facts and express how certain things that have happened make you feel.

For example:
"I felt really put down when you suggested my costume was too tight for me in front of our dance class. Did you really mean to be so unkind?"

"I consider you to be a friend. As such, it really hurt me yesterday when you said I was too ditzy and easily distracted to be a good speechwriter in our group talk. I know you think you said it in a joking and funny way but as I am a bit vague at times, it really struck me as a bizarre way to make a joke, as I felt it came at my expense."

"I feel really disappointed when you say things that say one thing but mean another, such as telling me the jeans I bought were great... for the price I paid, as if you were intimating that I had bought cheap jeans that didn't really look so nice. Why is it so hard for you to be friendly and frank with me instead of mocking all the time?"

5. Expect your frenemy to be surprised or in denial. Being forthright about your feelings is basically calling out the frenemy and forcing them to either own up to their subterfuge or deny it. It could go either way and even if they deny it, they may not stop the behavior and just keep on doing what they've been doing to hurt you. Or, they may become angry with you and refuse to discuss it, in which case you're getting a very clear indication that it's probably time to let go of this so-called friendship.

*Remember that if they blow a fuse, that you're not much into them by this stage anyway. At least the truth is out in the open and allows you to begin focusing more on other relationships in your life.


6. Be realistic about the chances of staying friends with the frenemy. While it is important to be compassionate and realize that your frenemy may have gotten into a pattern of difficult interactions with others and see themselves as clever, witty or superior, it's equally important to look after yourself. If the frenemy can only ever interact like this, you're never going to feel safe, supported or happy around them.



7. Look to thyself. Is it possible that you have some of the traits of a frenemy too? Hanging around people who use wit and words to denigrate others can soon rub off, especially if there is an attempt to be part of the popular group or the alpha. Be honest with your self-assessment and own up to yourself if you've been carrying on frenemy-like behaviors and attitude with your friends. And put a stop to it.


8. Make the break. Once you realize that you are dealing with a frenemy and you've asked for reasons but there is no likelihood of change in your frenemy's behavior and attitude, then withdraw yourself from the failed friendship. Remind yourself that it isn't a friendship you're ending but a round of toxic interactions and that both of you will be better off for being apart and for going your own ways. Above all, remain polite and nice toward them in a distant way. There is no need to rub salt into the wound.


~ Taken from How to Deal With Freenemies


......... I never thought I had freenemies but this blog really made me aware, that for some reason when I spend time with my so-called-friends I felt unhappy about myself (feelings of being old, fat, etc).  and for some reason whenever I am in misery they never fail to made me feel worst than ever. This really helped me understand those feelings and be aware of dealing with certain friends. Nevertheless, I have forgiven them and I will never stop to be their friend. But, this time I'll be much careful so that they will never hurt me again......

A True Test of Love

Lt. John Blanchard was in New York City at Grand Central Station, and he looked up at the big clock. It said five till six. His heart was racing. At exactly 6 o’clock he was going to meet a girl whom he thought he was in love with, but had never met. This is what had happened. He had been in Florida for pilot training during World War II, and while he was there he happened to go to a library and check out a book. As he flipped through the pages, he noticed that someone had made notes in the margins. Reading the insightful observations in beautiful handwriting, he said to himself, “I would love to meet whoever wrote these notes – they seem so kind, gentle and wise.”
He looked in the front of the book and saw a name, Harlyss Maynell, New York City. He decided to try to find her. With the help of a New York City phone book, he found her address and wrote her a letter. The day after he wrote her, he was shipped back overseas to fight in the war.
Surprisingly, Harlyss answered John’s letter. They soon began to correspond back and forth throughout the war. “Her letters were just like the marvelous notes she had written in that book.” John recalled. “She was so comforting and so helping.”
One time John had confessed in a letter that he had been scared to death when they flew over Germany. Harlyss had encouraged him, “All brave men are afraid at times. Next time you are afraid, just say ‘Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me.’”
As they continued to write, John began to realize that he was having romantic feelings toward Harlyss. He wrote, “Send me a picture,” and she replied, “No, I won’t. Relationships are not built on what people look like.”
Still, he was intrigued by her and longed to meet her in person. Finally, the day came when he was to return to the States on leave. He mentioned in one of his letter that he was coming home and would like to take her to a dinner. She had arranged to meet him in New York City’s Grand Central Station at six P.M. under the big clock. “You’ll know who I am because I’ll be wearing a red rose,” she told him.

At last the day had come. John waited nervously to finally meet the girl he thought he loved. Here is how John described his first meeting with Harlyss Maynell:
“A young woman was coming toward me, her figure long and slim. She had blonde hair that lay back in curls from her delicate ears. Her eyes were as blue as flowers. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in a pale green suit she looked like spring-time come alive!”
Excitedly, I started toward her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a red rose. As I moved her way, she noticed me. A small provocative smile curled he lips.
“Going my way, soldier?” she asked coyly. I took another step closer to her. It was then that I saw… Harlyss Maynell with the red rose in her coat, directly behind the girl in green. My heart sank. She was a woman well past forty. She was plump. She had graying hair tucked under a worn hat. Her thick ankles were thrust into low shoes. The girl in the green suit was walking quickly away. I had to make a choice. Should I follow after the beauty who had just spoken to me? Or stay and face poor Harlyss Maynell?
I made my decision and I did not hesitate. Turning toward the woman, I smiled. Even as I began to speak, I felt choked by bitter disappointment. “You must be Miss Maynell,” I said, extending my hand. “I’m so glad you could meet me. Will you join me for a dinner?”
The older woman’s face then broadened into a smile. “I don’t know what this is all about, son,” she replied, “but you know that young woman in the green suit who just went by? I met her on the train. She begged me to wear this rose in my coat. She said that if you should ask me for a dinner, to tell you she’s waiting for you in that big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of a test.”

The moral of the story is this: GIRLS, if you will learn to wait patiently and confidently for God to bring a Christlike man into your life, you will not be disappointed. And GUYS, learn to treat women like the PERFECT GENTLEMAN, Jesus Christ. If you do, you will not only be promoted out of “jerk-hood” but you will then be worthy of a beautiful princess of purity who is saving herself just for you.


~ Excerpt from the Book, When God Writes Your Love Story. Author; Eric and Leslie Ludy

God's Best or All The Rest

CHRISTIAN DATING: God's Best or All The Rest?

By: Belinda Elliott

CBN.com Senior Producer

Sure, maybe he's not Prince Charming, but he's a good guy.

I know he loves me, I just wish he’d treat me better sometimes.

Maybe it’s not the best relationship, but what’s the alternative? No one else is asking me out.

What if I can’t find anyone better? At least I’m not alone.

Ever had these thoughts about someone you are dating? I’ve been there. Too many of my friends are finding themselves there now too. I can’t say that I’m an expert on relationships, but if there is one thing that I feel like God taught me during my dating years (and it took about three years too many for me to learn this) it is that you should never settle for less than God’s best.

I’ve read many books about relationships and Christian dating. My favorite one by far is Choosing God's Best by Don Raunikar. His views helped me establish my own standards regarding marriage. I decided that I wanted nothing less than God’s best for me.

What does that mean?

It means if you have doubts about the relationship, if your significant other doesn’t treat you with the upmost respect, if you argue more than you get along, if you constantly find yourself defending him or her to your friends, then end it. I know that sounds harsh, but let me explain my theory on Christian dating.

I do not believe in “soul mates,” necessarily. But I do believe that if you are seeking God’s will about who you date, He will lead you to someone that is a true fit for you. I don’t mean that your future spouse will be perfect or that you will think alike or always agree on everything. That will never happen. But I do believe that if you seek God’s guidance, He will lead you to the person who is going to be the best match for you. I believe that God pairs us up with people that complement the gifts, talents, and personalities that He has given us – if we let Him.

I have found this to be true in my own life. The guys I dated before I began dating my husband were not all bad guys. In fact, most of them had many good qualities. We genuinely cared about each other and had fun together. But in each relationship there were things that didn’t feel quite right.

In some relationships, I found myself compromising some of my values to be more in line with that guy’s. In other relationships, I began to think that some of the things I had wanted in a husband were perhaps more wishful thinking than things that could actually be. Did those caring, sensitive, funny, godly men really exist?

For instance, one guy that I dated was a very nice guy. But although he said his faith was important to him, attending church and reading the Bible were not high on his priority list. I had to ask myself, “Is he really on the same page as me when it comes to my Christian faith?” “If we have children, will it be important to him that they are raised by godly principles and involved in church?” It turns out we were not in sync on these issues, and I decided to end the relationship.

Another guy was also an okay “match” in many ways. But I began to notice subtle patterns that bothered me. His job often seemed more important to him than our relationship, and he would repeatedly put friends or family before me. For someone whose “love language” is spending quality time together, that was a major issue. When friends began to point out other red flags about our relationship, I took some time to seriously seek God’s will on the matter.

I’d been struggling with making a decision about this particular relationship for at least a year. I truly wanted to do what I felt was God’s will, but I also really didn’t want to give up the relationship. It wasn’t until I was fully ready to obey God’s leading, that the answer came. Once I took my fingers out of my ears and agreed to truly hear what God had to say, His answer was quite clear. “No, this is not the one for you.” After that I made the difficult decision to break up with the guy.

Does it hurt to end a relationship? Of course it does. It’s not easy to break up with someone that you have grown close to. But I’m convinced it is much less hurtful than spending your life being miserable in a marriage.

After that relationship, I had come to the end of my dating rope. “I don’t want to fall in love with anyone else until it is ‘the right one,’” I told God. Since I had not done such a great job of choosing relationships on my own, I decided to let God choose the next one. I wouldn’t even consider dating again until I had sought His will about the person and the relationship.

It was after this that God began unfolding the events that led me to start dating Matt, the man that would become my husband. We had met in college and built a solid friendship through the years, but I had not considered him in a romantic way (although he repeatedly let me know that he was somewhat interested in me).

However, once I put God in charge of my love life, a funny thing happened. I began to see in Matt several of those “husband material traits” that I had been searching for with other guys. I ran down the partial list in my head and realized they were all there.

Godly, Christian man? Check.
Capable of being the spiritual leader in the relationship? Check.
Sensitive? Caring? Funny? Check, check, check!

As I began to observe his life and how he interacted with others, as well as how wonderfully he always treated me, I decided that there could really be something here. As I prayed about it, I felt like God gave me permission to pursue it. Later on, when I prayed about the possibility of marriage, God answered that prayer clearly too. The rest is history. We dated for about 10 months before he proposed.

And now, after nearly four years of marriage I am so glad I followed God’s leading. It’s not that my husband and I never disagree, or that we do not get on each other’s nerves periodically, but married life is so much simpler when you know that this is the person that God led you to. With that in mind, we know God will see us through whatever difficulties we face in the future. And as I look back on past relationships, I can see why Matt and I are the best match compared to others we each dated.

Don’t get me wrong, you could probably make your current relationship work. I believe that there are any number of people that we each could marry and make it work – and even be happy. But I also believe that we will be happiest in marriage if we allow God to choose our mate for us. That doesn’t mean waiting for God to drop that person into your lap, or waiting for a flashing neon sign to blink over his or her head identifying that person as “the one.” Instead, it means taking each relationship to God and asking, “Where do You want this relationship to go?”

And the next step is just as important, are you truly willing to abide by God’s answer?

If God’s will is for you to be married, then I believe He wants you to have the best marriage possible. You deserve someone who will appreciate you for who God made you to be, encourage you to grow spiritually and embrace all that God has for you, and cherish you as a precious gift from your Heavenly Father. Don’t settle for less than that.

The question I've posed to my friends lately, and the one I would ask of all Christian singles, is this: Are you willing to wait for God’s best or are you simply settling for all the rest?

Paul Newman's Letter To His Wife On Their Wedding Day

“ Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created. In the Art of Marriage, the little things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say ‘I love you’ at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon; it should continue through all the years. It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family. It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have the wings of an angel. It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is finding rooms for things of the spirit. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and obligation is reciprocal. It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.”


..... Such a romantic love story and truly one of a kind an assurance of a love so genuine and true will definitely last a lifetime. An inspiration, devotion and a motivation to find not the perfect person but to know there will be a partner which is designed perfectly for each one of us. All I can say is, I salute you Paul Newman for being not a perfect husband but being the best husband you can be for your wife and your family.... ^_^

A Love Story

.....A friend of mine got married.....

......and here's their love story.....

"I believe waiting is training, when we wait... God is going to train us.. he is going to build our character... God will never fail... faithfully wait for God's plan and God's will for your life"

~ Christian Andanar Dionglay

"Mahirap pero masaya mag intay... specially kung hinihintay mo eh ung taong nakalaan para sau... just believe... and trust God for it... and its worth it.... its... worth it..." 

~ Kristine Clemente - Dionglay 

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart. No one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

~ Ecclesiastes 3:11

❤______S_i_M_p_L_y___A_m_A_Z_i_N_g______❤

____CONGRATULATIONS___

____KRISTINA_❤_CHRISTIAN____

Impact of a Father....

I post this last year on Father's Day and I will post it again...
Because the Impact of a Father is very important in the life of a person...

In the eyes of a child, what he sees, he remembers and will influence him
all through out his life...

I've seen a lot of my friends and families suffered because their fathers either left them, cheated on their mom, or hurt them physically, mentally or emotionally...

My prayers are for every one:

Fathers, Sons and soon to be Fathers....

Please remember....

A letter from God

Just well said God....

~ ...I love you... ~